The last chocolate sundae..in a burning desert

So..after letting you people live happliy for about two months...i'm back again to haunt
you with more crazy thoughts, pathetic spellings and the weird things that happen so frequently with me. Infact, life had been unusualy normal(read bouring) off late so i had nothing to write about.

But as boogerworm said in the 1st post of her new blog...i'm also back on popular demand.
Yeah..i know it sounds strange..but there are some people...other that the Jhingalala Tribes of
western orrissa who seem to reading the stories of a tall..dark...(naah..not handsome) 23 yr old.

The last post dates back to the last week of october..and as far as i remember, this was the time
when i had got a call for a written test with infosys. So everything else took a back seat and i
was obssesed with this lady with this lady with the sir name 'Devi'. I would tihnk about her all
the time, even sleep with her photo near my pillow. No....it was not Sri Devi...not Vaishno Devi..
and with all due respect to Lalloo and his exploits with the Indian Railways, it wasn't Rabri Devi
either. Guys...i'm talking about Shakuntala Devi..the human computer. I think she has inspired
an entire generation of freshers like me who dream of getting a job in the biggest IT company in
India. For the information of my jhingalala friends...Shakuntala Devi has written many puzzle
books which help to the wrriten test at infy around. And the photo-near-my-pillow thing was her book which had her charming face at its back. But all the effort went down the drain as somehow manage to screw up my exam. May be devotion towards the great 'Devi' wasnt total...may be i should pack my bags and head towards western orrissa.

But..no worries..i'm sure i'll learn from this. Next time i plan to put up her poster in my room.
That should surely get me through.

Along with infy, there was Accenture..another dream company. Well, i did manage to clear the written(haan..main apni taareef kar raha hoon!!)..but the test was the least of my problems as the next round was a GD. And with my limited(ok ok...poor) communication skills, the two letters G and D put together looked even more menacing. This was where when one memebers of our gang, (The Freaky Four as we like to call ourselves) hemant suggested me something...

Here are the excerpts from out conversation:

Me(really worried) : yaar hemant..have a GD..kya karoon..any ideas??
Hemant(sounding like einstien) : yeah buddy...u have come to the right person..i have just
the right thing for you.

I don't know whether its the name The Freaky Four...but i just had the feeling that he was upto sometihng outrageous this time

Me(really worried and confused now) : what exactly is on your mind??
Hemant(sounding like einstien + newton) : Vodka!!...the cure for everything. Have a couple of
shots of the sacred drink in the morning..and you'll do just fine.
Me(not knowing what to say) : umm..well...don't know..not sure
Hemant : Try it out yaar..kya pata kaam kar jaaye.

Well, ive been a great fan of the novel Five Point Someone(which is where this idea had come from) but never thought i would done something as insane as this. But they say...jab seedhi ungli se ghee na nikle...to ungli tedhi karni padhti hai. So, i gathered some courage and decided
to bend my fingure a little this time. Buying vodka turned out to be lot harder than i had imagined but lets not get into all that. I carefully measured the amount which hemant-aka-einstien had told me and got "drunk" at 9 in the morning.
I had thought that i would be feeling funny and would see evertihng revovling...thankfully it didnt. But once in a while, i did get scared thinking that when the GD would start, i might jump on the desk and yell..basanti....in kutton ke aagae mat naachna.
Nothing of that sort happened.Although,I didn clear the GD but surprizing was speaking quite
well..may be i should try this more often.

So the last few weeks hadn't been the best and i still don't have job which i could be proud of
But again...no worries...our friend Mr Edison had failed 2000 times before inventing the light
bulb. And despite the failures, i've been improving, so..there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Infact, not just a ray of light, but Sunshine....yeah...i met "her" a few days back. One magical
momment which washed away all the disappointments.

And how can i forget the person who has been as precious as the last chocolate sundae in a
burning desert. Yes i'm talking about Einstien, Newton and ofcourse Hitch..all combined into
one...Hemant. He has been my source of strength in these tough times and himself has taken
a lot of crap over the past year. But now that he is going to be cool manager..and I'm really happy for him. C'mon buddy...become the president of some big company soon and then hire me as your CEO.
You are my last hope...warna...Jhingalala boys....here i come

waqt badalte dair nahi lagti

Never lie... steal... cheat ...or drink

If you must lie....lie in the arms of your love..
If you must steal...steal away from bad company..
If you must cheat...cheat death
And if you must drink....drink in the momnets... that take your breath away

Nice lines from the movie HITCH...a must watch for all the guys.

Got my 1st salary a few days back...wasn't exactly on cloud number 9...it had taken so long coming...that somewhere had lost its worth...still it was meri zindagi ki pehli kamaai so felt nice.
Next came the googly. Now...shopping is one the most dificult things...even at the best of times...so... to buy gifts for some one else...is comparable to convincing jagjit singh to dance in a shakira video. Still...buying gifts for dad and my sis wasnt that difficult..(decided on a shirt for dad..and a wrist watch for sal - my sis-)...but what shud i get for mom..i was absolutely clueless... and had no option but to ask for help

Few days back...i saw this quote on a frnd's status messege on mesenger - "women....and intelligene gave the concept of parallel lines to this world " ...thouhgt about it..n realised that..yeah..may be the guy is right ;) ...
but i know someone who defies this concept outright...yes...for me...she is albert einstien...edison...and newton..all put together....she hasnt won 50 noble prizes...in fact...just a few trophies in school...but i say this because she always has the answer to all my problems...i dont how how she does this...things that seem so damn tough for me...she solves them without breaking a sweat...and this time too...she was the one who bailed me out....haan garima beti...tumhaari hi baat kar raha hoon.

Its amazing how girls make shopping look so easy and also do efficiently ....something guys...especially ones like me can never learn. The wrist watch for sal was her choice...and when we finally decided to get some cool cosmectics for mom... she was selecting the nail paints and other stuff...while the sales girl gave me a buzz-off look..whenevr i tried to give my suggestion on a lipstick shade. That moment..i thought i'd become colour blind as there was hardly any differnece in the shades which they both were looking...well atleast...for me..they were all the same...but again...girls have the eyesight of a giant telescope when it comes to matching saari-falls and choosing lipstick shades...Anyways...the mission was accomplished..everyone liked their respective gifts...and to see the smile on their face..made my day.

Now that i've managed to get some sort of a job..life has become a bit hectic. With office being about 40kms from my home, a lot of time and energy is spent in travelling....my bajaj chetak being my companion through the 1.5 hour one side journey. I'm seriosly thinking of inventing a scooter which has an auto pilot type button (just push it n relax while the scooter drives on its own). Also which has seats as soft as sleepwell mattresses...because by the time i reach home..my ass goes numb and i'm hardly able to feel it. But slowly i'm getting used to it...also with so many new radio stations..playing nice music...i'm listening to some good song and singing along at the top of my voice while driving...yeah..i am weird....can say that by seeing the looks on some of the faces who are unlucky enough to catch me riding a bajaj cehtak with my playback-singer hormones in full flow.

Anyways...one night while coming back...it just happend that no channel was playing a nice song for quite a while...not hard to imagine with our guy...silky fellow...himesh reshamiya... giving music in every other movie these days. So...subconciously...i went from the indian-idol mode...to finding-my-purpose-in-life -mode.. i'd read somewhere (guess it was the novel alchemist) that there are two kinds of people in this world

1. who spend there life searching for their 'treasure'
2. who spend their life..trying to figure out what exactly is... their 'treasure'

I tried to think which category was i in...felt a bit down to realize that i was among the 2nd group as i still didn know...what is that one thing that i want from my life....its true that at this point ..my top priority is to make a successful carrer so that i can make my family happy....
but still there has to be more to life...than just wanting to have a successfull carreer....i mean i want my dad to proudly say that my son is working with that MNC..instead saying that my son is selling choley-bhatoore at the diwaali mela..an upcomig business with treamandous potnetial.......but surely..this is not the sole purpose of my life...and the worrying part is..i cant find one either....

just then...i remebered a line from one of my fav movies..kabhi haan kabhi naa....
it says....kuch log aise hote hian...jinki zindagi main koi ek manzil naih hoti....unke liye zindagi ka safar hi sab kuch hota hai....

so...was feeling a bit confused that not being able to find my purpose...was good thing or bad...also..with all the stations playing pathetic songs at the same time meant that i was still in this thinking-about-me mode....when suddenly.... i recieved an sms...was standing at a loooong traffic signal...so decided to check it out....the sms was from "her"....almost instantly....the mood was up...the pain in my bumb was gone..felt like i was sitting on an extra soft variety of sleepwell mattress....and most importantly....the torturous aashiq banaya aapne was replaced by the amazing voice on sonu nigam and shreya ghoshal..with the song jaaaneman

kisi ne thik hi kaha hai...waqt badalte dair nahi lagti

boss...yeh ladki kya gaati haiyaar...imagine karo..ki aaapki shaadi....kisi shreya ghoshal type ladki se ho jaaye...subah subah..woh aapko uthane ke liye apni meethi aawaaz main gaaye...jaaaneman..nnnn.....jaaaaaanemann...aila...bas mazaa hi aaa jayega fir...
lo ji...fir chala gaya main thinking-day-dreaming-mode main

Of broken bones..jhonty rhodes and the dhoodhwaala

gabbar: yeh haaaaaath...humkaa dayide thaaakur...
thakur: naaaaaaaaaaai
gabbar:yeh haaaaaath...humkaa dayide thaaakur...
thakur: kya re gabbar..in haathon ka tu kya karega...inpe to plaster bandha hai..!!!!

yeah...there was time(in school....guess it was 6th grade) when broken bones were just a fall away for me. But why i'm remebering those plasters 2day...well...due to a strange co-incidence...i've brokem my arm three times(no...my bones r not made of glass) and twice...it was on 2nd ocotober...quite a unique way of celebrating gandhi jayanti...as its a national holiday..and of course..its a dry day...everytihng is closed. Everything...including the X-ray clinics...poor dad...had a hard time..trying to find a doctor..who wud put his son's hand back in shape...while i was..on the verge of becoming the local orthopedic's most valued coustomer...so...after bearning this for 2years continuosly...from next time around...2nd ocotober was the day when my mom used to lock me up..inside my room...the only games allowed that day were ludo....snakes n ladders...or cards

It was not that i was bunjee jumping without a rope..i just loved to play cricket...but being one of those thin...weighing-250gm-types( jinhe toofan ke waqt rassi se baandh ke rakha jaata hai...taki woh hawa main ud naa jaain)....i had my limitations while playing...while battting...no matter how many glasses of milk i'd had in d day..the ball never reached the boundary...i then tried fast bowling...but the only thing fast about that was ..the rate at which the other team scored...so..in order to keep my place in the team..n not been thrown out like saurav ganguly..i decided to be a real gud feilder..n become the jhonty rhodes of my colony...(for those of u who've only played kabbaddi n kanche...jhonty rhodes was the best feilder of all time)...so...with me diving around in the rough ground(i wish our colony park was as lush as the eden gardens)...scrathes n bruises were a routine affair...and at times....a fracture

Another interseting obervation that i made during those days was...that seeing a white plaster on one's arm...tended to wake up the mf hussain or the superstar inside everyone who came across...everyone was queuing up for giving his autogragh or drwaing some strange figures..making my hand look like a 2 yr old's drwaing book...though some messeges were interesting too...like this one from my didi..."now ur arm matches your head...CRACK!!"
And when i was annoyed at hand being turned into a canvas...i wud say..in true sunny deol accent...yeh dhaai kilo ka haath jab kisi pe padhta hai...to woh uth ta nahi..uth jaaata hai

Thankfully...my love for jhonty rhodes and his feilding skills faded away with time...and i've managed to remain in one peiece since then...but today is 2nd oct..few more hours still to go...so i better watch my step

As i listen to hotel california for the 7 time in a row.....i'm thinking about the million things that a masoom-bachha-jiski-family-use-akela-chhod-ke-out-of-station-gayi-hai has to do...like..i've cleaned my room..made breakfast...watered the plants..even filled up the empty water bottles...bhai log...these r no mean achivenments..i deserve a special dushehraa bonus for this

the cleanning-up-of-the-room-bit had to be added to my already packed schedule when i knew dat a frnd wud be coming over...well anyone who has lived in a boy's hostel...home...can imagine how beautiful a guy's room can get when mom is not around...but..all my efforts were broomed away when she called up saying that she won't be comimg...i wanted to yell at her that..tu pehle nahi bata sakti thi...faaltu main saari safaai karwaa di...but then i imagined the mera-raja-beta look on mom's face when she finds my room not looking like being struck by a tornado...so the idea of yelling at my frnd was drpopped... and i just said...no probs...we'll catch up some other time.. thinking that mom wont faint this time when she comes back from an outing...

Also my hearts goes out to all the housewives of this world...man..they have real guts to get up early each day...and attend...the dhoodh wala..the newpapaer wala..the maid..aur pata nai kaun kaun...i failed to wake up for all of them yesterday...why the hell they have to come so early in the morning...dat 2 on a holiday...things were no better today....i don have a clue when the dhhodwala came n went...the maid(with a deadly look on her face) told me that she'd been waiting for 15 min as i opened the door for her with a big yawn...mummy...jaldi wapis aao

purani jeans...aur guitar

few days back...i logged into orkut and to my surprise, found abt 50 new scraps...as a reflex action..i raised my left eyebrow, looked towards the ceiling fan... n started wondering wat was that all about...yeh kya horiyaaaye....na toh aaj apun ka happy b'day to you hai..aur na hi apun ne himesh reshamiya look-alike-sing-alike contest jeet liya hai...to fir itne saare scraps kyuon aaayele hain baap!!...the 50+ scraps were from two of my frnds...vaibhav n varun...it was just another idea from there destructive brians..they didn have yahoo messenger working in thier offices that day..so decided to chat through orkut...but... in my scrapbook

surprised??..well dont be...this super intelligent bunch of people(dese two n a few more) called my friends are capable of doing even more crazy stuff as i found out in collg...although i was the target of almost al there pranks....i enjoyed them as much as they did.

I met vaibhav right on the 1st day of college...when we were checking the time table to get into the class as soon as possible n escape getting ragged....but as everyone who had studied in my collg....ITM(institute of technology & management) knows...ragging is non-exsistant...atleast inside the campus...as the senoirs are more scared of getting suspended....yeah..thats how ITM is...one of my frnd was slapped with a 1000buck fine and a 1 week suspension..just coz he took a short cut out of the canteen...using the window instead of the door..poor chap..some grumpy prof spotted it...n punished him as if he had proposed the prof's daughter...

inspite of these dese strict n at times ridiculous rules..collg years were the best...thanx mostly to the frnds i made....so vaibhav me n..varun were together most of the time...well..we were gud frnds..but also...our roll numbers were consecutive....so it meant that we were in the same groups in all the labs.....n labs were the place we had most fun...doing all kinds of crazy things with resistors..transistors...diodes..capacitors....mostly trying to scew up oder ppl's apparatus.....franlky...most of my time was consumed in figuring out which one was what...let alone doing the actual experiment....the only relation between me n Electronics was the letter 'E'...which appeared quite often on my practical's grade sheets..

in classes...we were chronic back benchers...i don know if this has ever happened to u....but whenever the papa-ka-honhaar-beta-going-to-be-a-good-engineer inside me woke up..n gathered the courage to sit in the front row..n try to understand what.. 60yr old man is talking abt maxwell's equations...i wud immidiately get the symptoms of yellow fever or something...aankhon ke aagey andhera chaa jata tha..saans nahi li jaati thi..aur chakkar aate they....so...after a few attempts..i just dropped d idea...n returned to the peaceful world of the last row...eating lunches...sending sms to d guy sitting in d front row..to wake up...n if me n varun happened to be sitting together....singing jagjit singh ghazals...yeah...we were one weird bunch

the scenes in the flat in we stayed in was no different...as most enng students..staying in a hostel...or a PG...we were always living below the poverty line...not that we looked like ppl from some refugee camp in somalia...but we were mostly broke....so we used to come up wid our own innovatives ideas to cut down our expenditures...the following coversation might give u some idea

apparantly...my folding bed was broken wen a frnd had jumped on it trying to grab a centre-fresh tossed up in the air...so..i had no option but to shift to the floor...n vaibahv being a true frnd also abandoned his folding so that i woudnt look like his servent sleeping on the floor...n his folding bed was now the place to find everything...clothes(both clean n dirty...books..empty water bottles...etc etc..

me(squashing the 18th machhar for the nite): yaar vaibhav...aaj bade machhar hain..all out on nahi ki kya??

vaibhav(busy finding his practical file in the pile of clothes, books and a whole lot of stuff on the bed): kar di thi...yeh itne kadpe kyuon hain bed pe??? kiske hain yeh??..kitne log rehte hain yaha??

me(wanting to spary 5 bottles of baygon into our room): arrey...yaad aaya..all out to khatam ho gayi thi...tu refill le aaya tha uski aaj??

vaibhav(giggling in his own unique way..n i knew that anoder pathetic idea was around the corner) : tu bhi pagal hai...maine all out on kar di hai...usmain lite jal rahi hai...ab machharon ko kya pata hai ki woh khaali ho gayi hai...itni akal hoti to kya machhar hote woh...dekha...maine paise bachaye aaj

i now wanted to spray all those 5 bottles at vaibhav...but vaibhav was just being..well vaibahv...had a ball being his room mate..this guy wud come up with a joke in the most hopless of situations n make evryone laugh...nevr saw him upset or angry...same goes for varun...u spend 5 min with this guy....n u'll be holding ur stomach

exam time was no different...the bhaichaara between all of us was on a real high during xams...with me n vaibhav dividing the course betwwen us...but after we saw the paper..cursing each other..saying....arrreyyyyy...yeh 5 questions to tere part ke hain...kuch nahi padha tune...ab dono fail honge

there was anoder incident that stands out...EMT(electro megnetic technology)paper was on next day...n we didn have a clue abt this subject....it was late in the nite n MR i-know-eveything-abt-maxwell-n-his-equations-vaibhav...closed his book n told me..dat no matter how hard i studied that nite...he wud get more marks....now this was just not acceptable to me n i challenged him that my score wud be twice at him(thinking in my mind...kuch zyada to nahi bol diya)....we the exam was really scary...n we walked out without spending much time...but as it turned out...i won the bet....vaibhav had got 1 and i had managed 2 out of 20...i don think any guy who got 2/20 any any test wud be as happy as i was that day

well...this post wud make it to the guiness book for the longest post if i mention all the things we did..and i havent even started abt the 2 other culprits...hemant..n saurabh..i'll keep their exploits and adventures...for some other time....raelly...i feel collg years r d best in everynes life...so if u r in that stgae of life..enjoy it to d fullest..

mera chaand mujhe....aaya hai nazar

arrey...yeh kaaaun kambhakt hai jo hamare chand ko chura raha hai....??

This is not the great dilip kumar...trying to impress nutan with a romantic dialogue in a black n white movie....its lunar eclipse time people....when earth comes between the sun n the moon which results in the moon disappearing in the earth's shadow...well... actually it is still hanging there in space, but we cant see it for a while...not getting?? ok.... picture this...a grasshopper( too high on vodka to fly) sitting on the road staring at his frnds having a great time flying around a huge street light...n sunddendly an elephant passes by..the shadow of the giant completely covers the poor fellow....and he gets eclipsed....still not getting??...well..go n grab a 3 standard science book...i'm sure u bunked all ur science classes just as i did

so as thers an eclipse today...and being the superstituos guy that i am... i faithfully did all the things as prescribed by the bestseller "101 things u must do during eclipse to avoid bad luck"...... completely normal stuff guys...like....ate with my left hand all day( which resulted in a big oily stain on my t-shirt)...gave the eclipse special food(d recipie was in d book) to the cow oustide, which resulted in a rather grumpy look from her( what did she expect...i'll give her domono's pizza or what)....n finally put the holy taabeez (which came free ) around my neck.....bas..ab koi bhi maai ka laaal mera kuch nai bigaad sakta

just kiddin guys...its just the non stop coverage of this event on aaj tak getting to me...chandrama par giri..dharti ki chhaaya.. as they call it...as if doom's day is just round the corner....all kind of experts(mostly weird looking astrologers) r called in to guess how this would effect people's life....then they show people taking a dip in the holy ganga...some of those looked like belonging to a group called....dilli jal board ke sataaye log..jinke yahan mahino se paani nahi aaya....i enquired from my mom...what dis taking-a-dip-during-eclipse crap was all about...n she said that it was considered auspicious...

just then i had an idea that i could prove to my mom that i wanst a complete atheist...n still had some of her genes left in me...i asked her if taking a shower wud be counted as auspicious....her look said it all though..and i immidiately brushed aside the thoughts of a midnight shower

but the aaj tak guys..still managed to save the day for me...as they interviewd a really pritty girl at the nehru planetoriam....she was surrounded by a whole bunch of guys....who seemd to think that this coming live on TV(aaj tak) was their 1st step towards becoming the next mithun...
these wannabe superstars just kept staring at the camera with eyes wide open....as that girl answered the questions...while adjusting her hair frequently...

maa kassam... she looked so gorgeous....i bet that the correspondent was also lost in those pretty eyes as he kept asking her silly questions like... aaap ko kaisa lag raha hai yahan panetoriam main chandra grahan dekh ke....kya aaap pehli baar chandra grahan dekh rahi hain...just trying to buy more time .... n all this while....the guy sitting in the studio....wanting to be in his place... is helplessly.. waiting for him to point the camera towards the moon...

so he finally speaks...(trying hard not to sound angry)..."dibaang...zara humare darshakon ko asleee chaand ki tasweerain dikhain".... dibaang turns towards the camera looking completely blank..it takes him a few seconds to wake up to the fact that he is actally a news correpondant...n finally the viewers get to see the real thing....a complete lunar eclipse

well...who says aaj tak is a crap news channel...the interview lasted for just about 5 minutes...but for me..its was the best part of the non stop coverage called chandrama par giri..dharti ki chhaaya....

and the raj kumar inside me suddenly woke up n said...dileep jaaani...chaand aaj aasmaan main nahi...nehru planetoriam main nikla hai

kya mujhe pyaaaar hai

heard dis song a few days back..."kya mujhe pyaar hai" n i cant get enough of it...kk has been giving some real good songs off late...bas ek pal...teri yaadon main n ofcourse...my current fav... tu hi meri shab hai... what wud i do widout music...for me the invention of music was much more significant dan other important things like fire...wheel and even deodrant...

i don't how it happenes but whenever i'm feeling low....and disheartened....due to various things.... like... my career(or rather lack of it)...having no clear lakshya for my life....aishwarya rai not reciprocating my love for her.....i hear a nice song and suddenly things seems much happier ..i see myself sitting in a swanky office....miss rai dreamimg abt me....and within minutes i'm up and smiling again...i'm sure music does the same kind of things to most of u...except for d aish part

this is one of the toughest periods of my life...with having no luck in my job hunt...i've completed the quota of getting boured for the next 1 year perhaps...but no matter how much i crib...things will get better only if i keep on trying....and unlike most of my college mates who hardly like the work they are doing...i hope i dont hav such issues..coz at the moment...i'm almost desperate to get any kind work....(hey...don use ur imagination here)....but you never know what life throws at you..and may be i'll also crib about going to the same ofice doing the same bouring work..and wanting this sort of free time to come back...

enough of this sad stuff...watched titanic today(well twice in abt 4 days...star movies zindabaad)...theres one scene which i feel is one of the most romantic moments captured on a camera...this when jack(leonardo) is standing at the edge of the ship..rite next to the railing..and ...rose(kate)...comes to meet him...

rose: jack...i've changed my mind
jack turns around n notices her standing behind him
rose: i've come....
interrupts her in between
jack: shhhh...dont say anything...just hold my hand..

he then brings her to the edge..next to d railing n asks her to close her eyses....helps her climb one step on the railing..holding her carefully all this while...he is now satnding just behind one..both one step on the railing

jack: rose...u trust me??
rose(with her eyes still closed n a few butterflies in her tummy) : yes..i do
jack removes her hands from the railing..n spreads them like a bird's wings...rose opens her eyes...n finds that shes flying

wow.... my remote shud have had a button to pause that scene...she was so happy at that moment...both of them had forgotten abt all there worries..they were just living that moment...jack didn knew wat would happen b/w them...all he wanted was to giveher true happiness...even if it was for one single moment on that railing on the edge of the ship

i wish i could have done something like that...no..i'm not talking abt standing on the grandest ship ever built...coz...i'm sure if i was dere..things wud have been a bit different..i would have fallen off the railing...trying to be all romantic...rose wud have married that rich guy n titanic woudnt had won so many oscars....but i'm talking abt the expression on rose's face...i wish i could give "her" the same kind of happiness...even if it was for a one single moment...but more importatly..."she" should have such moments all thru her life...if i get to be a part of those moments...i'll consider myself as the luckiest guy on earth..jupiter n pluto combined...but even if i dont...i'll be as happy as a sardarji (after being judged as the wisest man alive)...just becoz...."she" is happy

but for now..its back to kk...and his silky smooth voice...guess this post was a side effect of an overdoze of kk....shaan..n sonu nigam songs...dat too at 2 in the night...so chill guys.......m still normal and still the jerk i used to be .

A disaster avoided

It was about 11:30 in the nite n I was bugging a few friends online when suddenly I got a call from a frnd…she’d been a complaining about her life being so monotonous off late…but I could make out from her voice that she was very upset then …things were not going well at work so she wanted a break….i tried to console but it wasn’t helping n I knew she was in tears as she put the phone down…. Now…I can tolerate most things like…being forced to buy vegetables by mom….finding my comp table being turned into a dressing table by my sis…but seeing a friend like this is just not on for me. So I decided to give her a little surprise…next day about 1am..i called her up

Me : hiii…kya kar rahi hai??
She( wid a big yaaaaawn) : kuch nahi..bas wohi bouring office..
Me : mood thik hua kuch??
She : not much…luch karne ja rahi hoon
Me( trying hard not to laugh) : achha..akele akele….mujhe bhi bhook lagi hai
She(getting a bit irritated ) : toh tu bhi aaaja
Me: achha…yeh baat..le..aa gaya
She: kyaaa??
Me: yess madam…main aapke office ke bahar khada hoon…jaldi bahar aaja
She (waiting for me to end dis crap so dat she can start her lunch) : plzz..mera mood pehle hi kharab hai..abi to plzz fone rakh
Me (giggling) : bete..hum kahin bhi pahuch sakte hian..hoohoohaha
She(fuming now) : kya tera dimaag kharab ho gaya hai..kya subah subah chadha rakh hia tune??
Me : arrey tu bahar aayegi..main yahan dhoop main khada hoon

So…after a lot of convincing she finally came out..n got a real shock to see me standing there. And just when I was waiting for to say something like..”hey…its so sweet of u to come here..i really wanted to go out 2day”…she hits with “tera dimaag bilkul kharaab ho gaya hai..tu bilkul pagal aur gadha hai”…..but I know…she was really happy to see me…the 100watt smile being the proof.

We went to the Priya complex( humare bihar ke bhaiyon ke liye…priya complex is one of d coolest hang outs in delhi.)…had lunch at pizza hut…she did some shopping while I checked out the gals dere…dropped her back to office…n got a 1000watt smile this time.

The place brought back some fond memories of college days when we used to come here quite often…As most engg students…we were always broke…and only priya’s among all the multiplexes here has d option of cheap front row tickets. People always complain about the leg space at most theatres…but we guys just coudnt understand this problem…coz..sitting in the 1st row…we had all the room in the world to spread our legs…also the ‘Big Screen’ experience gets even more bigger in the front row….Even if the movie turned to be crap..like in the case of kisna….paheli..n a few more…we used to have a great time. Watching couples coochie-cooing everywhere…we used to wonder ”humara number kab aayega???”

There was this one incident which was so embarrassing…but yet very funny…Me…vaibhav…n kaushik…had planned to watch a movie at priya’s…I don remember d name…but what I do remember that it had turned out be really pathetic and we were passing the blame on each other for deciding for this movie as we entered pizza hut. As always…we took a long time deciding our order…I would be having spicy Indian pizza…while kaushik n vaibhav would be going for exotica pizza….a young girl came to take our order…kaushik…holding the menu in his hands…trying to look more sophisticated in a call-centre type accent said…” 1 spicy Indian..and 2 Errotica pizzas pleasse”

There are moments in life when time just stops…like when Tulsi(in kyuonki saas...) drops a glass full of water when she hears that her husband had been sleeping wid anoder woman….the action replay of the scene is then shown from five different angles with a dramatic background score…this was the kind of thing that happened there when mr kaushik ordered for errotica pizza…instead of exotica….time stood still

I looked at vaibhav and he looked at me…both of us not saying anything but our mouths wide open…n then we both looked at kaushik…his face was as blank as my radar engg answer sheet during final yr exams..…n of course…his mouth was open too…he knew that something was terribly wrong…but coundt figure out what had turned all of us in a statue….he just didn’t have a clue about what went wrong…the girl….half shocked…half embarrassed….managed to gather herself and went back…it was then we explained to our friend…that he was so damn lucky not to have been slapped by that lady….

as she came back with our order…we tried to avoid any eye contact with her….we were just so embarrassed....she kept the pizza in front of kaushik saying…”heres u’re exxxxotica pizza sir”….with a lot of stress on the word exotica….but to the relief of all three of us…she saw the funny side of it…n went back with a smile….and a potential disaster was decided…and I’m sure…kaushik remembers this whenever he places an order in pizza hut.

kati patang

Another 15th august went by as we celebrated our 59th independence day. 59 years, since the tricolor was hoisted on India Gat for the 1st time. And though we’ve had our fair share of problems as a nation….like poverty…corruption…unemployment and of course our lovely neighbors….but the positives still out number them any day. Most importantly India can feed its own people…yes we have enough food to feed even the poorest of the poor. But our nice politicians make sure that they rarely get it. Also we have a booming economy which is proven by the fact hat my pocket money just got an appraisal…and also India became a nuclear power.

No….I’m not the prime minister reading out his speech on the Red Fort at 8:30 in the morning I Day…n even if they did make me the PM one day…nothing can get me out of my bed that early…and that too on a holiday. So without caring what Mr Manmohan Singh had to say about the recent terrorist attacks in Mumbai and the about water crisis my bathroom…I was only concerned about how I would beat bittu at kite flying today.
(note1: bittu is my neighbor’s son who is half my height….n just over half my age but still comes out as the winner in kite flying every Iday)

Now kite flying is an age old tradition in our family…with my dad n most of my uncles being a rather good at it…. it was a thing that I was just expected to inherit…but fate had other ideas…..my tryst with this harmless looking piece of paper started when I used to visit my cousion at Iday…he was the James Bond of this world in those days…with his large black kite creating mayhem across the sky. It appeared like a big wild shark gulping up small n helpless fish….as the other pink...green…red ones ran for cover at the 1st sight of this black monster. Yeah….my bro was a master…n he would be on the terrace that entire day with his shades on and his music system playing Daler Menhdi…n other popular Punjabi numbers at full volume. My job was to hold the charkhi properly as he went about his merry business of spreading terror.
(note 2: for those of u coming from Pluto…i don know the eng for charkhi….all I can say it’s a wooden thing on which the razor sharp thread is wrapped around)

And while trying to keep the charkhi at an optimum angle so that he got an uninterrupted supply of thread…I used to think that I was also flying a kite(hey…I was just a kid then)
I thought that kite flying was a team sport n we both were like Leander n Mahesh.
But as time went on….my bro got into some more series stuff like…making a career…getting married….and I finally realized that I was just a ball boy…n not a team member…but still we had some real good times…and ended the day being tanned to the extent that we looked like the members of the Nigerian ice skating club….and with about 20 cuts on our fingers.

And this time….even with my bro not being there…I’d pledged to win my family’s name back…in what was once considered the sport of the kings. I’d got this extra sharp Bandar chaap maanja.... which according to the guy selling it ..could even cut through steel…

so as far as mr bittu was concerned …it was payback time….n I was hoping that the wind was real strong today…coz if that doesn’t happens…my kite…..with a supersonic jet figure on it…wont be getting off the runway.


In other unrelated and unimportant news….i just watched kank. Now like everyone..i was eagerly waiting for this movie…n for the 1st time in many years…had got my tickets reserved in advance….The movie was ok-types…a bit too emotional and heavy for me…but with an interesting story line…about extra-marital affairs…rani mukharji bursting into tears almost every 5 minutes….and then the break ups in the end…But as for me…the only things that ends up breaking when with a girl ..is usually my head…and this movie was going over my head most of the times… in the end left me confused about who among the four characters did the wrong thing

And can someone please help me in my protest to ban two things in a theatre…cell phones…n babies….Its becoming a routine affair these days…you in the middle of this edge on the seat movie..trying to figure out…vijay ke baap ka kaatil kaun hai…aur bindu ke pait main pal raha bachha kiska hai…And suddenly the cellphone of the fat guy sitting next to you starts ringing with the tone….”aahiq banayaa” ..for the next 10 min you trying to find out why didn mr Bhatia send the payment on time…seriously some people lack the basic common sense.

Still… you can ask a ‘grown up ‘ guy to shut up…
But what do you do about a 3 month old baby….who has just decided that hes had enough of Jitendra’s dancing exploits…and starts to howl with 3d surround sound effects which could beat those at all the PVRs.

So the next time you go out for a movie thinking that a real sweat girl or some handsome guy(for the female readers) will be sitting next to you…just remember that things can go wrong both in reel…and real life.

What the HELL..!!!

I'm at the last n final stage of limfocircoma(hope d sppelings r rite) of the inestine, liver, kideny, nose...n a few other organs too....the doctors have given up all hope n just asked my loved ones to say there final words to me...so deres a long queue outside my ICU room..(u see..so many ppl love me or may be... want dere money back)....ok...i'm not going to drag my dying scene on n on like...rajesh khanna in anand...amitabh ...in sholay...or srk..in kal ho na ho...just a few words...

mom.. dad..i know i didn turn out half as handsome n intellegient...as u thought i would...wen u 1st saw me....but i know u still love me n i love u 2...sob....sob...sob

saloni(my sister)...i know u'd like to give me the most useless n irritating elder brother of the world award...but..just to do some prasyashchit....i'm naming u as d sole owner of all my jaaidaat...which includes my cell fone..my ipod...my giutar(sob...sob)...my stinking socks...n all the oders stuff i own...

ok..i did drag that a bit...so..after a final goodbye to katrina kaif..n cathrene zeta jones...i'm dead..ya...as dead as it gets...i see my self lying on d bed in room no 13 of d ICU unit...wow..i still look handome..how d hell did she reject me...

and just when i'm reflecting on my rather...waste of a life...i see a an escalator..made of somke..leading towards the sky...i step on it...n really enjoy the next 10min..going thru d clouds...waving at people in passing areoplanes(which resulted in some rather strange expression from then)...n almost bumping into an eagle...

at the top..i meet God himself..n we had this coversation...

God: sorry son..i had to bring u up at such a young age..but i just to put n end to people's misery dwon dere...

me( almost wanting to shoot him)...well..ok...i forgive u...see i'm so dayawaan..so..i'm sure u have my seat booked in heaven..

God : yes..we'll get to dat in a while..but 1st..i wanna say sumthing..u've often asked me dis ques.."main aisa kyuon hoon..batao..main aisa kyuon hoon??."...well...to be frank with you..even i don have d answer...coz when i made u..even i didn have a clue wat i'd done...i was as confused as u've been all ur life..but if i'd kept u here..i wud have lost my job...so i had no choice but to send this weired thing called You..down to earth

me'(shouting at all d pppl down on earth): u guys listening..he's d one responsible for all that mess..not me

me(to God): well..its ok..no hard feelings..with such a tight schedule...u r bound to screw up once in 10billion transaction...so..wat next for me

God: well..i'm goin to give an opportunity..dat no one in got in the past..nor anyone will get this chance in d future here.......off late...i'm getting some complains from people i've been sending to heaven.....saying dat don like it much dere...complaing abt anything and everything...n some of dem even wanting being shifted to HELL...my ratings have never been so low...so..i'll give u d chance to experience both d places...heaven n hell...n den let u decide where u wanna go...n also....prepare a report on what sort of changes shud be made in heaven..to win back my popularity from dat guy called ...'the devil'....so...r u game??

me: well...sounds ineresting...but promise me..u'll give my life bak to me ..n call me some decades later....also..dat u'll make me as rich as bill gates..n as as smart as tom cruise in my next life...

god: well..i'll have to bribe my boss...but stilll.....ur wishes be granted...u have my word..

so..i spend 10 days in heaven..n d next 10 in hell...n prepared a comprehensive study of lifestyles of people in both the places....here r some of d findings of dat study...

heaven is quite a bouring place..with no cool hangout points like..discos...malls...shopping complexes....but the zone were mr indra devta lives...being d lone exception...i mean..dis guy is d real lucky lad out here.....his mehfil goin on for ever...where apsaraaas( read item girls)...dancing all thru d nite...madrira(holy version of vodka) flowing like water..n all d lucky devtas..having a blast...n all dis time u wondered that from where did mumbai got d idea of its dance bars........but as i said...dis is d only place here...n with admissions strictly on d base of quotas(onlySC/ST allowed)...n with no one to make a fake certiaficate....u might as well forget abt being let in....n vaunder aimlessly in d so called beautiful 'heaven' of montains..valleys...n green feilds....

on d other hand...HELL...is the place to be....with discos..nite clubs....malls..on every corner...life is a never ending party here...n anyone can visit d place he wants...no reservations crap here

movie goin in heaven is just a 'bhram' ...with sushma swaraj as d head of d censor board...u'll see a whole new version of murder....with malika weraing a burkha..n imraan hashmi in a kurta pajama...singing bheegay hont tere in a boat....n just wen they make a move to kiss..u'll see 2 sunflowers standing next to each oder....so its not hard to figure out dat in 3hr movie...u'll be straing at sunflowers for a 2 hrs...

but come to hell.....n see d magic of celluloid..n all the credits goes to d censor board cheif...mr imraan hashmi...no cuts in any movie...no burkhaas allowed...n certainly..no staring at sunfloweres...thak devil for cinema!!

fast food...is a thing never hered here...pizza n burger are as familiar words to d ppl here as microchips r to donkeys...n reason given for no Mcdonalds' here ....is dat all dat McAalo tikki burger n french fries..increase ur cholestrol..n can cause heart attak...now dey surely missed dere science classes...how can i have a have attack..when i'm made ok smoke...i mean already dead...

but as expexted..no such issues in HELL...dominoz...pizza hut have a flourishing business here

everyday routine of ppl in heaven..also needs real improvements....ppl here have just one thing to do...sit in d green grass for months...n meditate....as dere beard grows longer that kajol's hair...
well dey cant be blamed either....with all the things such as tv....cellfones...ipods...computers...internet.. all banned coz dey r 'material' things....people n just sit n meditate....one of dem told me that they r not meditating...but praying to get d HELL outta here ....

These r just some of the findings of my 2000page report...on which God will be setting a committe..to find ways to change things in heaven soon....

And so...as per the deal...i've booked my seat in hell for the future...but as of now..i get my life back,...

so....the straight line...on d machine called somthing like 'd heart beat graph'...got an electric shock...the nurse screemed....chamatkaaaaaaaar ho gaya..n fainted...when she me waving my hand n winking at her....i was alive...alive n kicking

so guys.... if u also wanna be in the most happenning place after u die....its time to put a check on good deeds u do....its time to wake up the evil in u....get out dere...rob someone...throw some one of the cliff...n get ur seat booked...before they run out...

see u in HELL...

You are...my friend

First…happy friendship day to all of u…i hope I’m right this time n not wishing u guys a week in advance…coz this what I did with a couple of my friends…wishing them on the 1st of this month…well there was some confusion abt friendship day being on the 1st day of august…or on the 1st Sunday of aug.

The fact that I’m writing this post at abt 6 in the evening proves that I’m not going out with any friends tonite… no..i’m not a sorry, lonely soul….wondering y don people like to hang out with me…its just that my gang members r not in delhi right now…hemant is in manipal…kaushik n vaibhav in pune n Mumbai respectively…n A.D(aaditya) in Chennai…cutting human flesh( he is pursuing his mbbs dere)…hope that they r having as much fun..n creating as much chaos..as we did while together…

Hey..i almost forgot to mention her name again…may coz we r related…that’s why I hardly ever realize that she’s also a friend…in fact…as good as anyone…I’m talking abt my cousin….garima…she’s d only one in delhi rite now….and this post is dedicated to her (happy now??)..

Just like all these guys…she’s also got this amazing strength of tolerating me day after day after day…we both r on the same wavelength…have almost identical views about most things…she helps me out with all my problems…rite from how to impress the gals in my class…to solving my maths problems…especially when I was preparing fro my infosys test…..n she would go mad about me not being able to solve even the most simplest of problems…

But she never stopped trying though…n it was only through relentless efforts of trying to make me understand the relation between speed, distance n time…that I managed to clear the test…the success though was short lived..as I was kicked out d interview the next day..
But again…she was the 1st person to cheer me up…I hope she gets all the best things in life


Now most ppl have one..or at the most 2 “best friends”…friend with whom they can share everything…talk to him/her about all their problems…have a blind faith…that he/she will be there…even in the toughest of times/…n u doin the same for that person..
But as far as I’m concerned, all the names that I’ve mentioned above, fall into that category…now u might feel that I’m weird…n have a tendency of spilling my guts in front of any one …well…all I can say to that is…I’m about five times as lucky as you..

Coz seriously..each of these guys is a gem of a person..n i can count of them on helping me out…even if rang up dere doorbell..at 2 in the morning…saying “I just killed the corrupt defense Minster..the police is after me..plz lemme hide in your house” …

So..once again…happy friendship day to all of u..have a blast…n always remember..friends are the most important people in our life…just after our parents..so never do anything to break their hearts

a whole lot of space

just came back from a walk outside..it was yet another normal day wen i had nothing to do...have had enough of these now..i hear people wanting 3-4 sundays per week, but when u've been having a sunday everyday for a month..its not very good...
so did d usual stuff..got up late..yellled at my little sis..apprantly..she didn like the idea of me tying up both her pony tails while she was asleep last night..but i thoought that was qiute neat coz she didn fell a thing while i was at it...threw all the banana peals ito my neighbours backyard...then bugged mom..to the extent that she said ki i coundnt be her son. This is how the conversation went:

mom(almost into tears): you cant be my son. i still remeber the day at d hospital when i 1st saw u..u were so cute..tender..looking handsome already..n i said to myself "aila..another tom, cruise in the making"..n now look at u..turning into a bhoot, straight out of a B grade ramsay movie. why the hell did i take u to dat kumbh mela when u were 10 dyas old..u must have got exchanged..

me(with a quick check in the mirror) : yeah..i also feel the same...coz wen i 1st saw you in the hospital..i said wow...my mommy looks like hema malini..n now with an overdoze of ekta kapoor soaps..u like that chachi from sita aur gita...yeah that kumbh mela turned out to be a disaster

d weather is rather good these days after the rains..n sky looked very clear which is rare thing for poeple living in delhi and it brought back fond memories of my childhood, when all i wanted to do was become an astronomer. used to stare at the sky for long hours in the night...tried to do dat during the day once..n just managed to avoid a crow shitting on my face...so night seemed to be the best time for this buddying astronomer..coz u could actually see stars during the night..and also..no crows flying around shitting on people's faces...but an age when my carrer plans changed at frequency at which tulsi starts crying in kyuonki...astronomy just remained a hobby..
but all dis stuff is actually quite fascinating...just think abt it..there r abt 100billion stars in every galaxy and dere abt 100billion galaxies in space..so even if 0.001% of stars have planets around supproting life...dere could more of these weired things like me..suddenly i don feel alone..also each galaxy just like our very own milky way is so vast..dat like travelling at 3lakh kmph takes many many years to pass it..n u thought that poor old adnam sami was huge!!....

and then dere r the black holes..no..i'm not talking about ur nostrills...black holes form wen huge stars die..in short a black hole is aplace where gravity has gone mad..nothing can escape it..not evn light...if u manage to get into one ..ur head n ur legs wil be torn apart and thrown in opposite directions..while the rest of ur body will be trying to figure out which part to follow...would be nice to throw Sharma uncle(living 2 flours above me) into it though..doesent lets me even catch a glimpse of his daughter ..who btw is a raell hottie

well this is turning out to be a lecture in astronomy...so i'l just cut the crap

my sister is sleeping...what shud i do 2nite..perhaps oil painting her hair(i hope u understand my obsession with hair..if not..read my 1st post)...just 2day she was talking abt getting her hair coloured...i'll do it for her..n impress mom by saving her a whole lot of money..time to wake up the artist in me...mf hussain..here i come

maa ka aahirwaad

they say every new thing should start with ones 'maa ka aashirwaad'...so i'm starting my 1st blog with my mom in mind.. not quite by touching her feet n she putting a tika on my forehead..but being rather surprised by wat she just did...more on dat in a while..and a thing or two about me...

passed out of engg collg in 2005..(which now looks as far as when man 1st discovered bad breath n finally decided to brush his teeth)....n been looking for a job since..did a few courses in between but dat didn help lot..but lets no get into dat...n result is me having lots of free time..so much so dat 2day i had an idea of counting my hair to kill time...now dis might seem a bit weired to a few of u..but in a family where 90% of ones hair are gone till u hit 35... hair r considered as precious as maharaja baboosha's crown...i might as well count them while they r there..

but even after d amt of free time i had..it was only the following incidents made it sure that u r reading dis: ... a death threat from osama.. 2 days of masoor ki daal..n a curse from a frnd dat i'll be giving d hairy anil kapoor a body massage if i don start....now dat might look n interesting prospect to a few people(read gay) around..but i'm still far far away from dat sort of insanity..
also m counting big time that..with my blogs hopefully getting better over time..i actually succede in impressing some girls...

coming back to that mom story...its abt 1am..n i'm thinking ki moms sleeping peacefully n dreaming abt stuffing me with more of that masoor ki daal n ghiya ki subzi..when suddenleny the door of my room is banged open n i see her staring at me with those kasauti zindagi ki type looks...i quickly run a mental chek up of things...d music is turned low...i didn spill milk in d wash basin..brushed my teech also...wats up with mom den..??
n before i cud give her a look of - mommy i didn do anything- she starts making a million complains..."mujhe neend nahi aa rahi hia..main bour ho rahi hoon..mujhe bhook lagi hia.."

all those girls at school n collg who didn hang out with me saying i was weired..guess now u no were those genes coming from..but sereiosly...being d mommy of a guy who finds jayalalitha hot..can to get to ur head once in a while..
but deres a silver lining too..mom feeling hungry ..means time for a late night snak for me 2...n just i was starting to realize dat d weired sounds i'm hearing r coming from my tummy..n worrying dat even d smell of next meal called breakfast is almost 8hrs away... i get a freshly made...lime coated bhutta...who says santa comes on christmas eve (for dose of u coming from mars n uranus ..bhutta is hindi for corn)...
n look wat..i've actually written my 1st blog...dat creepy idea from my frnd(who happens to be a real gud blogger herself)...of body massaging anil kapoor really worked..not to mention the 'maa ka aashirwaad' the bhutta at 1am