What the HELL..!!!

I'm at the last n final stage of limfocircoma(hope d sppelings r rite) of the inestine, liver, kideny, nose...n a few other organs too....the doctors have given up all hope n just asked my loved ones to say there final words to me...so deres a long queue outside my ICU room..(u see..so many ppl love me or may be... want dere money back)....ok...i'm not going to drag my dying scene on n on like...rajesh khanna in anand...amitabh ...in sholay...or srk..in kal ho na ho...just a few words...

mom.. dad..i know i didn turn out half as handsome n intellegient...as u thought i would...wen u 1st saw me....but i know u still love me n i love u 2...sob....sob...sob

saloni(my sister)...i know u'd like to give me the most useless n irritating elder brother of the world award...but..just to do some prasyashchit....i'm naming u as d sole owner of all my jaaidaat...which includes my cell fone..my ipod...my giutar(sob...sob)...my stinking socks...n all the oders stuff i own...

ok..i did drag that a bit...so..after a final goodbye to katrina kaif..n cathrene zeta jones...i'm dead..ya...as dead as it gets...i see my self lying on d bed in room no 13 of d ICU unit...wow..i still look handome..how d hell did she reject me...

and just when i'm reflecting on my rather...waste of a life...i see a an escalator..made of somke..leading towards the sky...i step on it...n really enjoy the next 10min..going thru d clouds...waving at people in passing areoplanes(which resulted in some rather strange expression from then)...n almost bumping into an eagle...

at the top..i meet God himself..n we had this coversation...

God: sorry son..i had to bring u up at such a young age..but i just to put n end to people's misery dwon dere...

me( almost wanting to shoot him)...well..ok...i forgive u...see i'm so dayawaan..so..i'm sure u have my seat booked in heaven..

God : yes..we'll get to dat in a while..but 1st..i wanna say sumthing..u've often asked me dis ques.."main aisa kyuon hoon..batao..main aisa kyuon hoon??."...well...to be frank with you..even i don have d answer...coz when i made u..even i didn have a clue wat i'd done...i was as confused as u've been all ur life..but if i'd kept u here..i wud have lost my job...so i had no choice but to send this weired thing called You..down to earth

me'(shouting at all d pppl down on earth): u guys listening..he's d one responsible for all that mess..not me

me(to God): well..its ok..no hard feelings..with such a tight schedule...u r bound to screw up once in 10billion transaction...so..wat next for me

God: well..i'm goin to give an opportunity..dat no one in got in the past..nor anyone will get this chance in d future here.......off late...i'm getting some complains from people i've been sending to heaven.....saying dat don like it much dere...complaing abt anything and everything...n some of dem even wanting being shifted to HELL...my ratings have never been so low...so..i'll give u d chance to experience both d places...heaven n hell...n den let u decide where u wanna go...n also....prepare a report on what sort of changes shud be made in heaven..to win back my popularity from dat guy called ...'the devil'....so...r u game??

me: well...sounds ineresting...but promise me..u'll give my life bak to me ..n call me some decades later....also..dat u'll make me as rich as bill gates..n as as smart as tom cruise in my next life...

god: well..i'll have to bribe my boss...but stilll.....ur wishes be granted...u have my word..

so..i spend 10 days in heaven..n d next 10 in hell...n prepared a comprehensive study of lifestyles of people in both the places....here r some of d findings of dat study...

heaven is quite a bouring place..with no cool hangout points like..discos...malls...shopping complexes....but the zone were mr indra devta lives...being d lone exception...i mean..dis guy is d real lucky lad out here.....his mehfil goin on for ever...where apsaraaas( read item girls)...dancing all thru d nite...madrira(holy version of vodka) flowing like water..n all d lucky devtas..having a blast...n all dis time u wondered that from where did mumbai got d idea of its dance bars........but as i said...dis is d only place here...n with admissions strictly on d base of quotas(onlySC/ST allowed)...n with no one to make a fake certiaficate....u might as well forget abt being let in....n vaunder aimlessly in d so called beautiful 'heaven' of montains..valleys...n green feilds....

on d other hand...HELL...is the place to be....with discos..nite clubs....malls..on every corner...life is a never ending party here...n anyone can visit d place he wants...no reservations crap here

movie goin in heaven is just a 'bhram' ...with sushma swaraj as d head of d censor board...u'll see a whole new version of murder....with malika weraing a burkha..n imraan hashmi in a kurta pajama...singing bheegay hont tere in a boat....n just wen they make a move to kiss..u'll see 2 sunflowers standing next to each oder....so its not hard to figure out dat in 3hr movie...u'll be straing at sunflowers for a 2 hrs...

but come to hell.....n see d magic of celluloid..n all the credits goes to d censor board cheif...mr imraan hashmi...no cuts in any movie...no burkhaas allowed...n certainly..no staring at sunfloweres...thak devil for cinema!!

fast food...is a thing never hered here...pizza n burger are as familiar words to d ppl here as microchips r to donkeys...n reason given for no Mcdonalds' here ....is dat all dat McAalo tikki burger n french fries..increase ur cholestrol..n can cause heart attak...now dey surely missed dere science classes...how can i have a have attack..when i'm made ok smoke...i mean already dead...

but as expexted..no such issues in HELL...dominoz...pizza hut have a flourishing business here

everyday routine of ppl in heaven..also needs real improvements....ppl here have just one thing to do...sit in d green grass for months...n meditate....as dere beard grows longer that kajol's hair...
well dey cant be blamed either....with all the things such as tv....cellfones...ipods...computers...internet.. all banned coz dey r 'material' things....people n just sit n meditate....one of dem told me that they r not meditating...but praying to get d HELL outta here ....

These r just some of the findings of my 2000page report...on which God will be setting a committe..to find ways to change things in heaven soon....

And so...as per the deal...i've booked my seat in hell for the future...but as of now..i get my life back,...

so....the straight line...on d machine called somthing like 'd heart beat graph'...got an electric shock...the nurse screemed....chamatkaaaaaaaar ho gaya..n fainted...when she me waving my hand n winking at her....i was alive...alive n kicking

so guys.... if u also wanna be in the most happenning place after u die....its time to put a check on good deeds u do....its time to wake up the evil in u....get out dere...rob someone...throw some one of the cliff...n get ur seat booked...before they run out...

see u in HELL...