Its a Sunday morning. Usually at this, me and my sister are kicking each other to wake up first. Our research shows that even if one of us wakes up a bit on time, the amount of scolding we are going to get will be a bit less (for being such lazy bums). Dad also takes is easy as he doesnt have to ring our cell phones at 6:30am to wakes us up in time for office. Mom is busy doing her Puja and a whole lot of other activities. Moms -Its amazing how even a Sunday makes no difference to them. Sometimes I compare them to ants or may be soldiers...just going about doing their work without a fuss.
But there seems to a a lot of activity in my home for a Sunday morning. Gudiya is already awake and helping mom --Howz that for a start. Dad is in some newly found energy acting like a Army Major. Even the maid seems to working in 5th gear. And me, still to realize about the gravity of the situation (yawning and rubbing my eyes) ask...
Kahaani kya hai doston?? Aaj to Sunday hai!!
There is a momentary silence of a few seconds in which every one (including the maid) give me angry glares. Next, I am handed over a list and ordered -
Jaldi se yeh saaman le aa...woh log 12 baje aa rahe hain!
The camera zooms into my face from 5 different angles with a dramatic background score....yes the same angles you have been seeing from the days of Kyunoki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahoo Thi....and now in Balika Vadhoo. And although I dont go around screaming "Nahiiiiiiiiii" with my hands covering my ears, the shock is no less for me.
Yeah yeah....the guests coming are the good old "rishtey waale" or "ladki waale" in my case.
These days, it seems like the whole world is conspiring against me....like getting a certain Vaibhav Gupta married is the most sort after way to get Moksha
Confusion, anger and many other emotions filled in my head, I walk up to the market. On the way I notice the watchman, the vegetable seller, the family on a bajaj chetak passing by, running school kids even the stray cattle....they all seem to be asking the same question....kyuon....shaadi kab kar rahe ho...arrey bhai mithai kab khila rahe ho...!!!!
Yeah...I'm thinking about the same Ad as you are..."Bhool na jaana...ECE bulb hi laana.."
Done with the shopping, I reach home. Next, I am asked to take a quick bath and wear some 'nice clothes'. I feel like the bakraa who is being decorated nicely before being put to the sword. But the bakraa has been made such a bakraa on a few occasions before and has learned few tricks of the trade. The most important ones - Do what you are asked to do, speak only when required, and basically just go with the flow.
When the guests arrive, I am initially supposed to stay in my room. OK, OK its my sister's room where I am a paying guest. Meanwhile, both sets of parents get to know each other. What they do in this initial conversation is construct the most complex family tree that one could ever imagine. I mean, invariable they are able to strike some common chord (relation) between the them. However, this is only after a thorough brainstorming session of criss-crossing through various uncles and aunts spread across our community - choti si duniya you see :)
My sister is given the signal to bring the bakraa in. She is the happiest soul at this moment - laughing all the way and making fun of me, very well knowing that I wont shout at her at this time. As I walk to take center stage, I hear "golmaal hai bhai ..sab golmaal hai" playing in the background - Just like Sunil Shetty was hearing in Hera Pheri
A fixed place on the sofa waits for me to sit. Its carefully chosen wherein every one can get an un-interrupted view. 'So where are all the TV cameras and photographers' - I wonder. Nevertheless, the questions start....
Some usual...
- kahan job karte ho
- kitna package hai
- subha kitne baje jaate ho
- hobbies kya hain
...And some not so usual
- beedi, ciggerette ...sharaab......errr?? :)
- working ladki chahiye?? Aisi ka zaroorat aa padi aapko??
etc etc....
The questions are mostly the same each time and I try to be as crisp as possible. I have appeared and flunked in many job interviews in my time, but these ones are even harder - where I'm praying to flunk. But more than the questions themselves, whats tough to handle are the seemingly endless pauses in between - wherein everyone is just staring at me with a smile on their face. No, I'm not even trying to say that I'll look like the perfect grooms on the various matrimony sites (May be on my good days I can come close to resembling Gulshan Grover). But the silent stare is so un-nerving.
Anyone remembers scenes from Ramanand Sagar's epic Ramayan? Scenes where in between conversation the various rishi-muni you to just look at each other for 10-15 seconds, smiling and nodding there heads......Yesss...thats what exactly I am talking about. Try to picture yourself here and you would know.
So finally when everyone runs out of questions or should I say when they realize I should seriously consider meeting a shrink and give up dreams to getting married to anyone- its time to go.
And I dont know if its the Kaali maa ka aashirwaad or me being...well just ME....the bakraa gets saved to Meeyyhhhhh for another day :)
Well, jokes apart there is another side to this Bakraa Story. The side of the parents. I sometimes dont realize thats this is as much of a tough time for me as it is for my parents. They are trying there level best to find the best match for me - keeping all my interests in mind. But the confused state that I find myself regarding this topic of marriage, makes things even more difficult for them.
I wish there was a way to fix this.
And all the bakris and bakraas wondering about the title of this post - Anil Kapoor's name in this movie was Charandaas :)
Grab a DVD, its a simple fun movie
